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"Zero Four"Written By: Dùlin
Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission. Archive: This arc is archived on this site with permission. Do not reproduce it anywhere without permission. Disclaimer : I once was a delusional fangirl who thought she owned the G-boys. Then common sense hit me on the head with a big stick, and I realized they were not mine. So I'm just borrowing them to torture them a little, and then I'll put them right back where I found them. Rating : R, mature audience only, please. Warnings : angst, very dark, psychiatric disorders and mental torture, mention of abuse, violence, and (on a slightly happier note) yaoi romance and limes. Post-EW, Spoilers for the whole series, Battlefield of Pacifists and Endless Waltz. Pairings : 3x4, 2x1, heavy 5+3 and 5+4 that may
result in 3x4x5 A special thanks to Misanagi, whose fic 'Inverse' changed my vision of Dorothy. That girl is so twisted that it took that fic to make me give her an actual chance when before I would have done anything not to have her, or just as a villain. It turns out she makes an astonishing character on a good side, and shes ambiguous enough for me to delve deep into my writer panoply and play a bit *tries to keep Dorothy from running away* "blah" : speech SPECIAL DISCLAIMER : Contrary to popular belief, I own neither Dr Corday nor Dr Carter, but I needed doctors. They belong to the people who created ER, and I hope those people will forgive me for turning them into psychiatrists and subjecting them to Sally Po. Thanks to cj simila, Cozzy bob, the ever faithful karina, Deb, MOrgan, Misty Yuy, Jen, ShenLong, Press, Dragon Eye, Missy Irene, Alleyprowler, Lady Midnight, Vega Lume, Merit Somnia, Kylarkallana, Sintari, infamous-otaku, Haruka Hana, Bane's desire, Amejisuto, Helcat 805 and a special glomp to Lisou-chan & Laurence-sama, beta-readers extraordinaires.
"Zero Four"
Part 7 - This program has performed an illegal operation ~ AC 197, March 6th, L4 - B289, Fatimah Psychiatric Clinic, 4:53 AM~ Isolation suite #07 /theyre coming/ Quatres head snapped up. He had been awake for a while now, the nightmares always woke him up around 2 AM, and he had been lucky enough to grab a little more than two hours of sleep before they kicked in. It was also good that the doctor had stopped giving him those drugs that forced him to sleep. But now he was hearing it again. /theyre coming/ That voice it had a particular taste. Quatre knew, almost instinctively, that it was himself, or the person he should have been if he had not been locked in a mental ward. He may be insane, but he was not stupid. He knew that hearing voices and answering to them was usually a good sign that you were crazy. Still most of the time, he heard voices, saw faces that werent his own. He had been an open channel into everyones emotions around for how long ? He couldnt remember, probably all his life. But that voice every time he heard it, he knew without a doubt, that it was a part of him, a part that he desperately tried to grab and hold onto, only to have it evade his touch. His power was too sensible, and just someone entering the room he was in or another patient having a crisis or even a temper tantrum was enough to break the fragile link he had with this little saner part of his mind. It gave him horrible headaches to try to hold back, and with time, he had just given up, welcoming the voice when it came , but not trying to retain it, just fervently hoping it would be back and he would not lose this chance at finding why he was here. /theyre coming/ /who ?/, Quatre asked himself. The rational voice always seemed sad, like it hoped he would understand more, remember more. And Quatre tried. But he wasnt sure he liked what he saw. A world ravaged by war, and himself, a soldier, a warrior ? Someone fighting at least, but for what, for who ? Was the war over now, had it been worth it for him to lose everything, including his sanity and his conscience of himself in that conflict ? When he thought that, the little voice usually tried to remind him that he already knew how that war had ended, and why, but the images didnt come into his mind. /your friends are coming/ Quatre got up, frowning. That was new. /friends ? i have friends ?/ If little voices could have rolled their eyes, then this particular little voice would have. /of course you have friends/ /why would i ? i cant remember who i am nor what i am doing here. i never know if the things i feel or see in my head are my dreams, my memories, or someone elses. and if they are my memories / /yes ?/ /i am not sure i want them to be. if thats really me i did some pretty horrible things, and im probably better off locked up here. i bet i would endanger all of my friends if i had any/ /theyre coming for you. theyre worried/ Quatre shook his head in silent negation. /no, youre wrong. no one is coming for me/ /i am not wrong. you know it. i am never wrong. theyre coming to get you/ Images began to flash through Quatres mind. The four boys of his dreams, some other people whose silhouettes were foggy. Quatre shook his head again, trying to clear his vision. These couldnt be the friends the voice was talking about. They had never been friendly in his dreams. But they had never been really mean either. Well, okay, they were scary, but they were also the only ones to always come back, so maybe he had met them before ? /too much input/ The other voice, a bit cold, impersonal. Quatre knew he had also heard that one before, and that it had been his own at one point but not entirely. It didnt really make sense, but the voice was always associated with a computer ? Some kind of machine ? Things started to get blurry in front of the green-blue eyes. The voices went away, leaving behind only slight unease and a lot of unrest. The blond young man on his bed knew with absolute certainty now that something was going to happen. Something that was going to change everything in his life, but he had no idea what. And that scared him a lot. Quatre hugged his knees, and tried, in vain to suppress the violent shudders that went through his body. /scared. i am scared/ Then, a wave of other emotions hit him, coming from the poor soul whose room was above his and who was currently having a nightmare. But for the first time ever, his own emotion, the mind-gnawing fear, didnt completely go away as the other took over. **** Isolation suite #07, 8:53 AM Hes agitated, doctor, Shannon said, a worried look on her face as she surveyed the living area through the one-way mirror. She was right. Quatre usually spent his day just sitting on the couch or on the windowsill, his face expressionless. This morning, he had not touched his breakfast, and had paced, restless, in the living area before stopping in front of the window. One pale hand was pressed against the smooth surface of the glass, while the other shivered a bit, sometimes curling into a fist before relaxing again. I know, Carter sighed, rubbing his forehead. Theres not much we can do, though. Dr Corday told us that his doctor is arriving any minute now, along with people he knows. Hes probably feeling it. I am wondering if hes not developing some kind of pre-cognitive ability, but it only manifests itself every now and then. Are they really going to take him away ? Carter smiled sadly. Its best for him, Shannon. Those people know how to treat him. Dr Winner is his sister. We dont know exactly what happened, but the fact that Preventer seems so deeply involved for something that was just a case of accessing forbidden medical files makes me think that what happened is really bad. I am almost sure that something was done to this young man, something criminal that damaged his mind. From all the testimonies weve got, he was just fine a month ago. One does not regress to that stage in a few days when one is trained enough to survive in the world as an empath for seventeen years. There was a small beep from Carters pager. The young doctor looked at it and put a reassuring hand on Shannons shoulder. Our guests have arrived. I have to meet them in the entrance hall and bring them to Dr Corday. Stay here and call if anything happens. Yes, doctor. ***** Carter did not really know what he was waiting for when Dr Corday had told him that six Preventer agents would come and take care of Quatres case, in addition to Iria Winner herself. What was for sure was that he didnt expect the team to be composed of only one adult and five teenagers. Five teenagers who were grudgingly surrendering their fire weapons to the security guard. And who all more or less looked like they would like to be anywhere but here. As he stepped closer, he saw one of the delirious patients bounce up to one of the boys, a lithe young man with a long braid and vibrant violet eyes, and began to introduce himself as Zeus. Carter was ready to disarm any animosity, but to his surprise, the young agent smiled brightly, shook the offered hand and let out in an unmistakable American accent : Hey, nice to meet ya ! Im Hades ! Hey, sorry man, dont wanna ruin your fun, but see the guy here ?, he added, pointing to the boy at his side who was glaring around from under a mop of chocolate brown hair. Well, he really doesnt like that place, so maybe you could just go see your friends and make sure they stay clear of us, or hes gonna go all nuts, and believe me ya dont wanna see it Hn. Baka, the brown-haired boy snorted with an uneasy smile. Zeus agreed to go warn the whole Greek pantheon to stay clear of the new people, and went away decidedly enchanted to have met a fellow God. Carter watched incredulously as the patient sauntered away with a big smile plastered on his face, instead of threatening to bring the whole place down with bolts of lightning. The braided boy watched him go, smiling too. Ive always wondered what a funny farm looked like on the inside, he said. But this is like a funny farm for very rich people, heh ? If you have to phrase it that way, yes, a blond woman that Carter identified as Iria Winner answered. She was the only one not to wear a uniform and signing the visitors book. Next to her was a tall woman with braided blond hair, and a young girl looking familiar. John Truman Carter !, she exclaimed when she saw him. How nice to meet you again, in spite of the unfortunate circumstances. Dorothy Catalonia ? What are you doing here ?, Carter asked, forgetting all of his manners. I am a friend of Quatre and acting as a representative of Vice-Minister Darlian in this inquiry, Dorothy answered. Im sure we have hundreds of things to talk about, but now is not a good time. May I introduce Dr Iria Winner ? Welcome, Dr Winner, Carter said, shaking her hand. And you must be Dr Po ?, he added for the other woman. Bingo !, Dr Po answered. So youre the team well I guess I should lead you to Dr Cordays office, then. Dr Carter ?, Dr Po said lightly. Yes ? Agent Chang is the one in charge here, she said, pointing at the smaller Chinese boy at her side. Who raised an arrogant eyebrow at the surprise painted on Carters face. Any objections ?, he asked. N-No, Carter stammered. I just thought Agent Barton, Agent Maxwell, Agent Yuy and myself are part of Preventers Elite Squad, just like Agent Winner. We come to get one of our own back. The sentence was solemn, and Carter looked at the other teenagers. The one just beside Chang was hiding behind his hair, only one strikingly green eye visible and face completely blank. The braided boy had somehow turned deadly serious, although his arm was draped over the sullen dark-haired boys shoulders at his side. I am sorry, Carter finally said. I just didnt know Preventer recruited that young. They dont, the green-eyed boy said quietly. They made an exception for us. This little sentence sent shivers down Carters spine, because of all the implications it had. What kind of organization made exceptions to recruit seventeen-year-olds ? Come to think of it, what kind of seventeen-year-olds enrolled in organizations like Preventer ? Carter knew, like everyone else, that soldiers had been recruited very young during the war. What kind of horror had those youths, had Quatre seen before it had ended ? Dr Carter, please ?, Iria Winner said suddenly. Id like to see my brother. Sure, excuse me. Please just follow me to Dr Cordays office, and then well get to the isolation ward. ***** Introductions were taken care of fairly quickly. Dr Corday didnt give any sign of surprise when she saw the team and agreed that the sooner Dr Winner and Dr Po would see Quatre the better. Questions could wait until after they would have seen for themselves what had happened. Everyone met Shannon at the front desk of the isolation ward, and the nurse led them to suite #07. ***** /people coming/ /curiosity/ / / /fear/ ***** Iria unconsciously held her breath when she arrived in front of the one way mirror. Quatre was looking away from them, through the window. His hair was a bit longer than the last time she had seen him, and he had obviously lost weight. The white pajamas seemed to be far too big for him. Fuck, Duo swore in a whisper. You werent kiddin when you said it was bad, doc. How long has he been in there ?, Sally asked, trying to assess the damage. Almost three weeks. He spent only two nights in a normal room before I moved him, Carter answered. Wise move, you probably helped a lot just by doing that, which is just the only thing you could do, Iria said, her voice a bit weak. I just wish you had found us sooner, or maybe we could have worried sooner not to see him coming back. Trowa was stunned, not really ready to believe it was Quatre who was standing just a few feet away from him. The only thing anchoring him into reality was Wufeis hand on his shoulder and his voice murmuring its going to be alright in his ear. He nodded absentmindedly, unable to detach his gaze from the almost glowing white figure in the room. We need to come in, Sally said suddenly. I cant hope too much, but maybe seeing people he knows can help bring back some memories. Iria agreed. Although it was the first time they met face to face, she had corresponded with Dr Po these last two years, ever since Quatre had disappeared again with Wing Zero. She had been reassured to know that at least one trustful person would be able to help her little brother should he get hurt, and shared the secret of Quatres particularity, only to have the Chinese doctor answer she already knew. Sally Po was the Gundam pilots physician by unspoken agreement, the only person they trusted enough to let her come near them with a needle or medication. Alright, Dr Corday finally said. Well let you in. Everyone in the corridor jumped as Quatre suddenly turned around. Slightly unfocused eyes looked straight at the mirror. Whats he under right now ?, Sally whispered in spite of the fact that Quatre couldnt hear them. Nothing, Carter answered. I got pretty confused with his reactions to drugs and stopped everything. One less trouble, Sally muttered, trying to evaluate what kind of thing she would need. Quatre got closer to the mirror, not even hesitating in his strides even if his eyes were still staring in the void and not really at where he was going. He stopped in front of the mirror, put one of his hands on it, and tilted his head to one side, peering intently as if he could see through the glass. ***** /people behind watching me/ /fear/ /my fear ? or theirs ?/ ***** Very slowly, Trowa approached the mirror, drinking in every detail. Quatres sunken in eyes, his absent look, his thinner frame, the way his hands trembled just ever so slightly, indicating how much of a nervous wreck he was. What are you doing ?, Carter asked, only to be cut off by an impatient Shh! from Duo. Holding out his hand, Trowa placed it on the glass panel, exactly on the place Quatres hand was on the other side. He wished he could hold Quatre right now, tell him he was sorry and that everything would be okay, but everything was not gonna be okay, not right away anyway. Something felt so wrong in the way Quatre was acting, like a caged animal that watched his visitors curiously and with a bit of defiance. ***** /fear love concern fear shock love grief fear/ The conflicting emotions coming from behind the glass assailed Quatres mind. There were a lot of people behind that glass, he knew it, but someone was clearer. Quatre focused a bit, and felt it. It had the same taste than the green-eyed boy in his dreams, but it just couldnt be ! Quatres face constricted in a little frown. ***** Trowa almost jumped out of his skin when Quatre suddenly banged on the glass with his fist. Just once at first, then again, repeatedly with his two fists, as if trying to destroy the glass to see what was behind. The blows gradually increased in violence, making the panel tremble with the force of them. We must get in now !, Iria said. Dr Corday ? Elisabeth fumbled and took a card out of her pocket, sliding it into the keypad. ***** Quatre stopped banging on the mirror as he heard the electronic hiss of the door. He turned to look at whoever had entered and his eyes went impossibly wide. It couldnt be but the voice had said /friends ? coming for me ? i know them ?/ They were all there, all four of them, looking at him with a concerned expression. There was also a girl with long blond hair. Quatre couldnt remember her, but felt one of his scars tingle, and something warned him about her. /dangerous, not let her close/ Then, his usual doctor and the nurse, and the doctor who had come last time and flashed a lamp in his face. And two other women. He was sure he had seen their faces before but /too many people/ /trapped/ Fear was permeating the room, almost palpable. Quatre could taste it, it was almost suffocating him, and he couldnt know if it was his own fear at meeting so many people that he knew he should remember and who obviously knew him, or their own fear at seeing him. But then again, why should they be afraid ? What were they afraid of ? Quatre winced and clutched his head. Hes hyperventilating, Iria said. Were scaring him. Pupils dilated, thats not good, Sally said. Youre absolutely positive that hes under no drug ? A hundred percent, Carter said. Everyone out !, Iria ordered sharply as Quatre winced again and let out a small whimper. When the four pilots and Dorothy seemed rooted to the spot, she just caught Trowas arm and made him spin round. Out, now ! You cant help here, not yet ! Duo, you take them all out and wait there ! Calm down, Quatre, Sally said in a soothing voice, controlling her own breathing and trying to remain as calm as possible. I dont know what happened but its bad. He doesnt sleep, right ? Barely an hour a night, some times two, Carter answered as the door closed again behind the teenagers and Dr Corday. Quatres eyes were darting from one corner of the room to the other, clearly looking for a way of escape. He had backed against the wall, still clutching his head, his breathing rapid and shallow, his eyes too wide. Hes still feeling them, Iria noticed as the blond young man clutched his other hand on his heart. Its too much ! I can sedate him and I will, Sally said determinedly, but I cant get closer. If I do, then all of his training will kick in and hell mop the floor with me before you know it. We have to calm him down some way, divert his attention. We wont be able to, Iria objected. His mind is simply too awake, his brain is working faster than it should. Its exhausting him, but hes strong and we cant wait for him to drop on the floor. She suddenly snapped her fingers. Too awake ! Why didnt I think of that ? Im really stupid ! She took a step forward, holding out her hand when Carter made a move to follow. Stay back ! I am not sure it will work. What are you doing ?, Carter asked. You will know if it works. She took another step. Quatre tried to get away, but he was blocked against the wall, and he was having troubles to breathe correctly right now. Quatre, look at me, Iria said very gently. Quatre, its me, Iria. I wont do any harm to you, I just want you to look at me and listen to me. I wont come any closer, I promise. And even if I did, I know you can take me down and I can do nothing. Green-blue eyes blurred with pain looked up. Iria took a deep breath and said the words she had tried to ingrain in her brothers mind such a long time ago that even he didnt remember. Quatre, shutdown level seven. Quatres eyes rolled in the back of his head and he fell heavily on the floor, unconscious. Carter gasped, but Sally strode forward, taking a syringe out of her bag and quickly injecting some kind of drug before checking the boys vitals. What did you do to him ?, Carter exploded. Iria backed away to give some room to Sally and turned to look at Carter, completely unfazed by the young doctors anger. Hypnosis. That was part of his training, a simple way to help him build shields. I put a few safe words in his mind that can trigger a partial or complete lockdown in that kind of case. They were never supposed to be used and Ill have to change them or simply remove them, whatever Quatre wants. What did you give him ?, Carter asked Sally. He doesnt react well to sedatives and I know, young man, Sally snapped, I was his doctor during the war, I know pretty well what he can and cant stand. This particular sedative is a personal concoction and the only thing that really works on those guys. Only secondary effect is nausea when you wake up. By the way, doctor, I hope you didnt have anything planned for the next weeks. Why ? Because youre coming back with us. What ?!? I will need to know exactly what meds you gave him, when, and in what quantity. I will need to know every little thing that happened during those three weeks. And you can tell the nurse whats her name ? Shannon, but Thats it, you can tell her to pack her bags too. We will need some familiar people to be around Quatre when he wakes up and for the moment, familiar means you and Shannon, not us. I we are understaffed, and Dr Corday If I can get my hands on a phone, Im sure that Colonel Une will be delighted to dispatch some medical staff to you for as long as needed. Carter just nodded, too numbed by what he had just witnessed. There was something more to this, something incredibly wrong if the Preventers were ready to use their own staff to replace two people in a private hospital just because one of their agents had been admitted there. There was something more to all of them. The other four moved like they were used to work together, in some kind of formation, with a suspicious space left between them. Carter suspected it was where Quatre used to stand when they were all together, between the green-eyed boy and the one with a braid, with the two Asians guarding the extremities. Dorothy had said she was a friend of Quatre, which in itself was strange since Carter had never known Dorothy to have any friends. Dr Po had said she had been Quatres doctor during the war; Those youngsters certainly looked like soldiers and were probably damn good ones to be in Preventer. Something evaded his mind, just a little piece of information missed for him to understand why all those elements that seemed to clash could suddenly be logical, just because of Quatres presence.
So, Dr Corday said sitting at her desk while everyone else took seats. I hope you dont mind if I ask a few questions while Sally and Shannon see to our patient and complete the transfer procedure. I dont, Iria answered. Ask anything you want, and Ill answer to the best of my abilities. Dr Corday took out a pen and a notebook. Who trained him ? I did. For a little while. Dr Corday frowned. What do you mean ? He was only a baby when it all started, Iria explained patiently. He was a cranky baby, he was often ill, and we all wondered why, but it took me about a year to find the cause of it. Where does it come from ? Do you know ? Our mother. She had that way of always knowing how you felt, Im almost sure thats where he inherited it from. Do any of your sisters have the same talent ? No, Dr Corday. We are test tube babies and our genes were very carefully examined before each of us came into the world. We are as sane as human beings can expect to be, probably a bit more resilient, but thats pretty much all. Only Quatre developed this ability. Why that ? Isnt he a test tube baby too ? No. The pilots all stared at Iria with wide eyes. But , Duo started. He doesnt know, Iria interrupted. I have planned to tell him when he is ready. Quatre is the only naturally-born Winner. Our mother died giving birth to him, because of malformations that run in the family. She knew that having him would cost her her life and she did it anyway because she wanted to, and she could get very stubborn when she set her mind on doing something. Father never told him the truth because in his opinion it made no difference. I still think it doesnt, but I also think my brother has a right to know how he came into the world. Especially since thinking he was a test-tube baby was the reason why he always felt so miserable and useless as a child. She turned to the four young agents. Please dont tell him. I will, in due time, but I think now is not a good time, and that it is still too soon. He is not ready to hear it. They all nodded, a deer-in-the-headlights look on their face as they suddenly discovered a part of Quatres life they had known nothing about. You said you trained him, Dr Corday said, refocusing the conversation. What did you do exactly ? Well, New Types werent exactly a new thing, but not much was known about them. I was just graduating as a doctor, so I improvised and hoped for the best. He was very small when I started, about two. I would pretend we were playing a game, and I taught him how to raise shields by envisioning his mind like a castle he would build. Raise the walls and then close the door, and he would be all alone in his castle. He caught up with it very quickly, because he needed this to stay sane, even if he was so little And Yes ?, Dr Corday prompted. What you just saw. A bit of hypnosis in case it went out of control. It was only a safety measure. I programmed a few words in his mind that would trigger automatic shields in his brain. Several levels of shutting down, from mild to complete, complete being what you saw earlier. I never thought I would have to use them. In the beginning, I had to use a shutdown level three or four when he was tired, but never that much. Iria took a deep breath. I am sure his training didnt just wear away, Dr Corday. When he was barely five, I got married and left for a resource satellite in the cluster. I just kept an eye on him, and he pretty much trained himself from the moment I was gone. My God, Carter breathed. He achieved that level of control all by himself ? This is unbelievable, Dr Corday agreed. But then, it could explain why it suddenly snapped, couldnt it ? No, Iria said stubbornly. His training did not break all by itself. My brother knew what he was doing and his training held on all these years without breaking or he could never have been Iria stopped and shot a look to Wufei, who sighed and nodded, looking a bit tired. he could never have been a Gundam pilot, Iria finished resolutely. There was a deadly silence, then Carters voice again. G-Gundam pilot ? Duo snickered darkly. Man ! Youre saying that like its a big thing, sheesh ! Its no big deal really, we all were, yknow ? Heero glared at Duo but remained silent as Carters glance fell on the other four teenagers. So young, looking so lethal Quatres unusual strength and resistance to drugs So you see, Dr Corday, Iria kept on, my brother piloted a mobile suit, killed and destroyed, without any major problems from his empathy. There have been things, during the war that were difficult for him, and he had some very bad times because of it, but he overcame them. At the end of the wars, he was marked, like all the other soldiers, maybe a bit more so because Quatre has always been someone kind and he went away against Fathers wishes, but his ability was under control. Hes been living with it all his life, and he knows what to do when it gets too intense. Carters eyes were glued to the four teenagers. He couldnt believe that his young patient, head to one of the biggest corporations in the world and such a sweet person when you knew where to look in the state he was in, could have been piloting a Gundam, but in a strange way, it made perfect sense. Which one ?, he asked completely out of the blue. Six set of eyes looked at him, blinking, but Duo took the hint. Sandrock, he answered. Heero was Wing, Trowa Heavyarms, Wufei Altron, and I was Deathscythe. Why do we even bother to hide our identities ?, Wufei growled. I suppose I dont need to say that if either of you repeats that outside of this room to anyone, you wont live long enough to regret it, do I ? The black eyes were glaring at Carter, who gulped and just nodded. If he understood his situation well, he had been hired by a rebel doctor to take care of a Gundam pilot while being supervised by his four friends who had been soldiers for god knew how long and looked like they could kill you with their bare hands if you just looked at them the wrong way. What did I get myself into ?, Carter thought,
head spinning with way too much information. ~ * ~ |